So, what now?

I have spent the last two days thinking about one student. Actually, more truthfully, I've spent most of the year thinking about her. Her homelife is awful. Her kindergarten experience was less than stellar and bad habits were learned. Her entire year was spent learning how to be a human who could function in a world with other people. I don't say this lightly, but this child was feral when she came to us. 

There were a lot of mistakes made along the way of trying to manage this child in a school setting. She's also grown quite a lot since kindergarten began. This year, she was put into my classroom because admin thought I would be a patient, kind but firm teacher who would have expectations for her but also understand that her expectations would need to be different than others in our classroom. Ok, fine. It's not the first time I have heard this. It's not the first time I've had a difficult child, by any means. Ok, let's do this.

Fast forward half a school year. Has she made gains in her behavior? Yes, she has. It hasn't been a straight path, for sure; more like a rough, jagged line of ups and downs and a few sideways jumps. But overall, she's improved.

Academically, she has also gained. She is able to recognize numbers 0-10 now, she can recognize most through 20, and she can count to 19 most of the time. Huge! She's learned a few more letters and sounds. Awesome! However, she's also not growing at near the rate she "should" for her age and peer group, and she recently qualified for special education services. Another rough, jagged road to get her there, but we finally made it.

There have been multiple pow-wow's to help this child succeed. There have been lots of phone calls for help when tool boxes have run out of tools. Mind you, I've been doing this job for a hot minute...24 years. I have had a lot of difficult kids over those 24 years...children with autism, children with downs, children with ODD, children with ADHD of all levels, one deaf student who was just learning to sign...I've had my share of difficult students and learned all kinds of things along the way to help them succeed and be the best students they could be.

But this child. This child is like none other I have had. There are some similarities, of course, but so many different things that this child brought in her invisible baggage. This child will hug and beg for attention and love one minute and whip a pencil at your face the next. She will use a calm down corner perfectly and with complete success and be proud of herself one minute and bark, scream at me, and run out of the room the next minute. To say I'm exhausted is an understatement. 

I don't typically ask my admin for help with a student because of behavior. I just deal with it and move on. I've been around the block enough times to have a pretty big toolbox and enough experience to be able to use those tools fairly effectively. Until now.

I've asked for support for this child more times in a half of a year, than I have in my total teaching career. Yesterday was the straw that broke me. 

I asked for some real support from my admin. I ended up staying home sick today. Probably a combination of that exhaustion, some germs from my never ending sick students, and some need for a mental health day, but a day that was sorely needed. While at home, I got an email with a list of supports I could put into place for this child. I was asked to look it over, if I felt well enough today, so that we could discuss them when we meet tomorrow.

There are 8 items on this list. I do 6 of them daily already, multiple times per day, in fact. I do them with many of my students - not just this child. Like I said, I'm not new to this game. The 7th is a social story book that admin will make for me to read to the child when she's elevated so that she can process her feelings better. Cool idea - I'm not opposed to books supporting kids - what does the rest of my class do while I'm reading this story to that one child? And the 8th thing on the list is to calmly redirect her and give her choices when she feels like running out of the room so that she can choose to do something else. Gosh, I can't believe I've never thought of that idea! For real?!

Excuse me kind sir, but what do you think I have been doing all day everyday for a half year? As I stated before, a few times, this isn't my first rodeo and I have had many challenging kids over the 24 years I've been doing this job. The reason this child is in my room to begin with is because I was thought of highly enough to think I could handle her situation with grace. Indeed, I believe I have been more than generous with the grace I have shown this child at the literal cost of the other 19 children who have been entrusted to me. 

I have lots of ideas for what could be done with that list of suggestions and none of those will be said here. In the meantime...what am I to do next?

This child and this situation has me pretty livid because it all comes down to this same question over and over. Aren't we sacrificing everyone else, child and adult, in this classroom for one student? We have worked so hard for this one child. What about the rest? What about the time I can't spend with them because I have to put out a fire that can't be ignored, can't wait, can't come second. Ever. The other students are just expected to wait for their turn? So far that turn hasn't come. Not once.

So, what now?